Beard Club

Having a beard is not actually a terribly impressive feat.  Most men grow beards by default, so having one is often seen more a sign of laziness than super-sweet facial-hair growing prowess. As a result, lots of people seem confused as to why so many guys are absolutely infatuated with their face-fluff. Today, I'm here to teach you why so many guys love facial hair, and why we feel like we belong to a special organization of fellows I like to refer to as the "Beard Club".

Fake or not, that is some glorious, 'I don't give a damn' facial hair.

There are lots of reasons to grow beards, and many guys fall in love with having facial hair for varied and different reasons.  Some people seem to think guys like growing a beard as a function of our stereotypical laziness. For some guys, this may be true. For most guys, it's not. Other people have claimed that beard-growing is seen as a sign of masculinity, and in an age where many gender roles are being redefined some men struggle to hold on to their perceived identity and conceptions of masculinity.  Again, that seems to be true for some guys, but not for most. I think that there are many complex and related reasons some guys grow beards, and I think for other guys it's simple and unimportant, but for whatever reasons, beard-growing is important to many guys, and it's often hard to understand and explain why. Instead of trying to rationalize it, though, I can only explain what having a beard is truly like, and explain why those of us with beards are drawn to each other in a sort of fraternity of facial-hair.

For the women in the world, realize that for a lot of guys, beards are like women's boobs:  They may not actually be important in an existential sense, but we care about them nonetheless.  We want or facial hair to look good.  Does THAT, perhaps, clear some of the confusion up?  Some women prefer their breasts being large or small or well displayed or hidden, and some men feel the same way about beards. Some women don't care about their breasts just as some men don't care about their beards. For me, I would happily grow a beard on my chest if I could.

I guess I'll have to settle for a Chestache.
For sale at LuvThatTee, a t-shirt site I help with on occasion!
http://www.luvthattee.com/7-funny

In the end, I believe that having a beard (or as we bearded folks call it, bearding) is something akin to joining a prestigious and enjoyable club. The club is open to any comers, so long as your face is covered in hair, and though many people might consider joining, those who actually join often find themselves feeling welcome, and at-home.

BEARD CLUB

Beard club, like fight club, has very few rules, and they're all basically reiterations of the first rule. The first rule of beard club is grow a beard.  The second rule is don't shave. Which is to say, grow a beard, but it's stated in a new way so we don't copy Fight Club directly, even if we're basically like fight club but better. Better in that we have beards.

Beard club means that you have facial hair and take pride in growing it.  It means you believe that you look good with a hairy face, and people are welcome to stand and adore in awe of your barbaric face-bristles.  It means that you believe that there are people who don't want to date men with beards, and those people are called fools. Being a member of beard club means that everywhere you go, people are nearly overcome with the urge to reach out, touch your face, and shiver with barely controlled excitement at the touch of your whiskers.

Even monkeys.

Bearding, above all, means taking pleasure in having a beard and enjoying it, for whatever reasons you personally please.  Beard club members may come to the club because of the fact that they get especially bad razor burn, or because they seek approval from other men, or simply because they lack a chin and want to look more intimidating.  It doesn't matter why you come to beard club, because in Beard Club, we all accept other mustachioed and chin-curtained men.

His beard says, "Welcome home, my bearded brother"

It has been noticed by man of my friends and family that when I have a larger beard, when it's fully grown and glorious and covering my whole face, other bearded men treat me more kindly.  it's almost like we belong to a shared group, and the truth is that's where this idea of 'beard club' comes from.  It truly seems that when you put two men with facial hair together, they treat each other nicely, in most situations (note:  This isn't to say all people with beards are nice, just that often bearded folks are nice to other bearded folks).

For example, when I first moved to Alaska, I was completely alone.  I literally didn't know a single other person within a thousand miles, and it was intimidating and uncomfortable for me.  I hated feeling lost, and as such I tried very hard to meet new people.  I went to church, even though I'm an atheist, because I wanted to feel a community.  I went to campus events, I attended the local freemason lodge meetings, and I did everything I could think of to meet new people, and rarely got results.  But one beautiful day on campus, as I was walking along in the short but gorgeous Alaskan summer, I passed another guy with a giant beard, and out of habit and awe told him, "Nice beard!" as I walked past.

He responded by telling me the same, and asked where I was headed.  When I said to a local eatery just off campus for some food, he said he was headed that way too, and joined me.  We spent the afternoon talking, we hung out and grabbed dinner, exchanged phone numbers, and I made perhaps my first real friend in Alaska.  And the only reason I met this wonderful, full-facial-haired friend?  My beard.

It was just like this!  Except, instead of being mutants and
in a film, imagine they had giant fluffy beards.

Finally, for those of you who will never be able to grow a grandiose and beautiful beard (women, people with certain lineages, or bad luck, or people who can only grow neck-beards, or other unseemly facial hair), I can explain bearding like this:

Imagine for a minute that you could have a sign that everyone noticed the minute they saw you.  This sign would say, "I am comfortable with how I look, I enjoy being who I am, and I and usually pretty pleasant and easy going."  Would you want that sign?  Would you want strangers to see you as an authority figure?  Would you want members of the opposite sex to swoon at the mere sight of you?  Well, if you said yes to any of these questions, you may now understand better why men grow beards. If you happen to be someone who CAN grow a beard and chooses not to, well I hope this post slapped some sense into you.

I would even say, I hope it beard-slaps some sense into you.

Now, my friends, you understand what it means to be a mustachioed or bearded member of the illustrious organization known as Beard Club.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!  If you want to do me a HUGE favor, follow me on Facebook, and share this post and others on BB+B you enjoy with your friends!
Thanks again,
-Brian