5 Reasons Dogs Are Better Than Cats

This is neither an argument nor a debate. After a chance meeting with a kitten a few years back (Click here to read "How a Kitten Stole My Manhood"), I'm willing to concede even that cats might not be wholly and maliciously vile, at least when young. But there is not doubt that cats, even on their best days, don't hold a candle to the real best pets: Dogs.  To construct my argument I have carefully and extensively combed through the entirety of world history, and reaffirmed my beliefs with a great deal of evidence.  Today I'm here to prove as truth, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Dogs are better than Cats (Except for maybe like, a cheetah, but unless you've got a pet cheetah, my point stands).

Dogs are man's best friend, and cat's are for crazy cat ladies.  Dogs are seeing-eye helpers or avalanche rescuers, while cats are signs of ye olde witchcraft. 
If you're a 'cat person': Prepare to be taught a lesson. And if you're a 'dog person':  Let's show these feline sympathizers why dogs are better, once and for all.

Reason #1: Dogs Are Loyal

One dog in time out?  Guess the other 2 are keeping him company! LOYALTY!
From the "Aww" subreddit.

When I was a kid I had a rough period where I repeatedly got the strep throat and never seemed to stay healthy for very long.   For a fairly long period of time, I was sick and out of school pretty darned often.  Sadly, I wasn't left to just playing games at home and feeling fine. I was high-fevered, sore of throat, and generally miserable.  But all of that was okay with me because I got to be protected by the family dog.

Her name was Jersey, and she was a gorgeous and friendly golden retriever. I'm not afraid to say that she might be one of the greatest pets that has ever graced the world, orders of magnitude above most  others (Even awesome ones like Flipper, the fictional pet dolphin).  Jersey was so amazing, supposedly my first word was her name! She was a really great dog.

Jersey played with us (my brother, sister, and I) in fall leaves, winter snow, and spring rains, and she spent most her life protecting and adoring my family. She was amazing.  When I got sick, she would climb into my bed if I was awake, or under it if I was asleep, and she'd wait with me.  She walked down the stairs when I went downstairs and she'd carefully look back up from the bottom of the staircase, as if to tell me she was ready to catch me if I fell. She'd follow me around until I got better, and she was there no matter how bad I felt, and how obnoxious and whiny I got.  If I cried, she got my parents, and if I was just sick and miserable, she'd curl up next to me and guide me to sleep. Jersey was a dog, and everything beautiful and good that comes with dog-hood.  She was so much better than a cat.

Cats can be sweet and kind too, at least so I've heard claimed.  When i was younger, a close family friend was a 'cat person' and loved to brag that when she was sick, her cats knew, and helped make my friend feel better.  Once, when she felt particularly ill, she told me that her cat even 'let' her pet the cat's belly WITHOUT clawing!  This statement made me realize something amazing: For a cat to be considered loving, it just has to STOP attacking its owner.  That's a pretty low standard for affection. It's considered a 'treat' to be able to pet a cat, and a 'nice' cat is one that only bites and claws from time to time, as opposed to constantly.  I'm not embarrassed to admit if I had a DOG that bit and clawed me, even infrequently, I'd consider that a huge problem.  Maybe that's because for dogs, which taught me affection doesn't have to involve pain and aloofness, show their affection through slobber, cuddling, and love.

Reason #2:  Dogs Actually Have Jobs

Until you show me an "Avalanche Rescue CAT" this picture
will prove dog superiority without question

Dogs are workers.  The Newfoundland was bred specifically to help fishermen and rescue folks in freezing waters, the tiny and adorable Dachschund was bred to flush animals from their burrows such as badgers, and the Labrador retriever was bred to be a hunting companion.  Dogs like to work, and from sheep dogs to rescue dogs or even to modern seeing eye dogs, they diligently help us throughout our daily lives.

The relationship between man and dog has gone from a mere coexistence to a near mutualism.(Wiki's explanation,   The origins of domestic dogs, The ancient history of man and dog, How far back does this interspecies love-fest go?) That's partly because dogs are natural workers, have drive and intensity, and their work leaves them MORE energized and happy than if they don't work.  You will never see a more content dog than one who has done his job well.  A guard dog that saves his master does not suddenly feel he deserves a reward because his JOB is his reward.  A seeing eye dog is not a tool, he is a loving companion who eagerly strives to help his human partner.  Dogs do by nature what we try to teach ourselves to do at work:  Feel content, work hard, and make a difference.

Perhaps that's why there are so many different jobs that dogs do. Security, drug searches, bomb sniffers, herding, seeing eye or other service dogs, search and rescue, hunting helpers, and on and on. There are practically as many actual jobs for dogs as there are dog breeds!  And, even those dogs not actively being trained as a worker animal still seem to love to help and work.

My own family's second dog Merlyn, brought into the family after our beloved Jersey passed, to this day tries to help us out.  He brings us his own dog bowl to let us know he's hungry, he happily goes to his crate when we're headed out, and he sits inside patiently in case we decide he needs to stay out of the rest of the house.  He takes us on walks and swims and runs and as much as we know we're doing it for him, it's also the reason we get out and exercise most mornings.  He snuggles up when it's cold and he lies at our side when it's not and he truly seems to know that he has a ob to do: Be the best pet for OUR family that he can be, and he does so admirably. 

I don't know terribly many jobs cats do. Even the few I can find aren't things as impressive as a dog SMELLING CANCER or the multitude of examples of dogs SAVING HUMAN LIVES .  Unless a cat's job is to sleep, kill all the beautiful songbirds in the neighborhood, or clear a barn of rats, they're not going to be working.  They, like the unemployed 30 year old living in his parents basement, seek to do only what minimal work is required, and the spend the rest of the day napping.

Reason #3:  Dogs Are Natural Protectors

This is at once the cutest, and yet also the most perfectly 'dog' thing I've seen in my search for dog pictures.
Thanks again to /r/aww on Reddit!

It's in a dog's genetic makeup to be a guardian, and it's probably derived from their loyalty and constant desire to help their owners.  I'm taking this point out separately because it deserves to stand alone. Dogs are protective. Even loving, sweet dogs come to their owner's aid whenever needed.  It's astonishing to watch as a cute cuddly family pet turns into their most powerful protector, but in many cases, it really does happen! We see it on the news most weeks, and we all know someone whose dog has literally protected them from harm.

I can again turn to my own family pet, Merlyn.  He is a lovable chocolate Labrador with a giant head, white marks on his back and tail, and an almost oafish affection for sweets.  He's not something most people would consider scary because he normally just looks cute, but for the last decade, my family and now just parents have kept him around for protection. 

When we decided to get a new dog, my mom decided she wanted a protective puppy, and so she chose the most rambunctious newborn she could find, with his giant over sized head and sweet dopey eyes.  She chose this particular puppy because he would grow up to be big and strong, and that made her feel safe. 

However, Merlyn didn't seem to grow into a fierce and scary protector.  He grew into a troublemaker who liked to steal butter off the table, and escape from the yard to root through our garbage.  He grew to be more of a lover than a fighter, and he regularly proved as a youngster, and reminds us still, that he is attracted to absolutely any gross or old food in a way no human can truly comprehend. 

This is Merlyn, in case you want to assess his status as 'lover' vs 'fighter'.

Despite all his cuteness, Merlyn is ready to fight for his family in half a second, and you can see it in how he acts. In our old hometown north of Chicago, we lived in a pretty standard suburb, with low crime rates and nice neighbors.  Still, from time to time there were unsavory folks walking the path behind the house, and these rare encounters let us see a side to our dog we never expected.  I can clearly remember one particular event when my twin brother and I were cleaning leaves from the back yard.  We were raking large piles, which Merlyn promptly sprinted through and rolled around in to destroy, when a thin and twitchy stranger came up to the back gate and said hello.  He hung his arms over the fence and he looked almost skeletal, as he tried to make creepy small talk with my brother and I. 

Never in my life had I seen Merlyn react the way he did that day. His head went down and his ears went back as he raised his hackles. He slunk towards the fence while the strange invader asked more questions of us two than was comfortable. He didn't seem to mean any actual harm,but we were frightened by this man, and Merlyn knew it. So, as Merlyn reached the point in the gate where the mans hands hung over, Merlyn jumped up and began barking in a way we'd never heard, a deeper and more ferocious sound than I could have ever imagined bursting forth from our family pup.  The man backed off, and without even finishing his questions and sentence, took off down the alleyway behind the house.  Merlyn, meanwhile, kept barking angrily, and jumping up and down at the fence, until the man was far out of sight, at which time he abruptly dropped to all fours, trotted back over to us with his tail happily wagging and dove back into the leaf piles all over again, as if nothing was wrong. Merlyn felt that my brother and I were uncomfortable, and so he fixed the problem.

As I see still every time my mom walks our lovable pooch, Merlyn knows that he is our protector, and he DOES take that job seriously.  My mom and dog both know that when she takes him on a walk, no matter how safe and nice the neighborhood, if something were to happen it would be his job to step in and play the hero.  And I like to think that my mom knows this, and appreciates Merlyn even more for it.

A common house cat is not a protector.  It's a needy furry guest, and it doesn't care about its owners the way that a dog does. That's yet another reason dogs are better than cats.

Reason #4:  Dogs Are Happy

Sitting in the grass (or doing practically anything) = DOG NIRVANA

If you were to ask 1,000 random people the most common attitude found in a cat, they would answer something like 'anger' or 'disapproval', or more likely yet, 'disdain'.  It appears that naturally, felines are aloof, and somewhat mean. If you turned that question around on dogs, you'd likely get one of three answers; Happy, excited, and and REALLY happy.  With cats you get the personality of your 5th grade math teacher after you failed a test, and with dogs you get a 10 year old on their birthday after finding out they now own a horse. Disdain versus excited bliss.

I'm not sure what causes this:  Frankly, it's probably something to do with artificial selective pressure applied through breeding, along with the human tendency towards favoring neotenous characteristics (Sorry, had to throw a bit of biological thought into this, it was necessary!). But in the end, the important, simple truth is that dogs are almost always happy while cats are very rarely so.  If you get a cat high on catnip it might suddenly want to be close and cuddly, but you don't have to dope your dog to get it to wag its tail and be nice. No, when you come home from work the dog is already incredibly happy just to see you.  When you come back from going outside to grab mail, the dog is incredibly happy to see you.  When you're sitting in pajamas and eating a frozen pizza when you're too lazy to go out, YOUR DOG IS HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU.

I don't know about you, but if I seek a companion, a pet that I keep with me for years of my life, I will go for a lovable and excitable canine compatriot.  You're welcome to keep your fickle unfriendly felines for yourself. 

Reason #5:  Cats Just Stink

This is a cat being hugged by a sloth. This is a moment most would find joy in.
The cat is not happy about being hugged by a sloth.
This cat proves cats cannot understand the concept of joy.

I could turn this immediately into a tirade about letting anything live indoors that poops in the house OUTSIDE OF A TOILET, but I think I'll try to use 'stink' as a more metaphorical term today. 

My final point in the cat vs dog debate actually has very little to DO with dogs.  It's about how terrible most cats are.

See, cats aren't like dogs.  They aren't caring, and kind.  They aren't protective, and lovably dopey.  Cat's don't think your mere presence is cause for jubilant celebration like a dog would.  A cat thinks that you're ITS pet.  You belong, in a cat's mind, TO the cat instead of the other way around. The modern house cat is a fine companion if you want borderline negligence with low maintenance, but when you seek a real pet, a real companion, a dog is just so much better.  

That's probably why everyone who likes their cat tries to describe it just like a dog.   Hell, most cat lovers try to justify their cat by explaining how it even ACTS like a dog.  Well, crazy question:  If your most bragged up claim to fame is being LIKE a dog, then how are you ever going to come CLOSE to a dog?  A 'dog like' cat still poops inside.  It still tears up the furniture.  It still bites and hisses and claws seemingly at random whenever you see k to give it attention.  A 'dog like' cat doesn't get the paper, or go on long walks.  It doesn't join you at the beach, and it certainly isn't likely to stop a burglar, or protect the blind.  And that's not because cats are dumb, or evil, or any of the meaningless (though sometimes oddly accurate) insults that are often thrown at cats.  It's because dogs are so amazing.  Also, because cats stink. 

Is it just me, or does the dog STILL look happier than the cat? 
Even after being bullied?

The final reason that dogs are better than cats is simply:  Cats aren't fun and lovable.  When you play with a cat, you entertain the cat instead of yourself. You bring it a toy that you dangle and play with, and you focus on the cat.  Dogs want to play WITH you, they want to wrestle, or play fetch with you, or tug-of-war.  Dogs focus on YOUR happiness too.  Cats are not so kind.   They only want to be petted an EXACT amount, at SPECIFIC times, and only a PERFECT way, and any infraction in their mysterious desires is met with hissing, claws, and bites.  Dogs love petting whenever they can get it.  Cats are picky eaters, and kill the beautiful birds in the neighborhood, and often run away for days at a time.  Dogs like to stay at home, eat anything you give them, and never even catch the squirrel, probably because they don't want to disappoint you. 

Yeah, I know what you're thinking:  Dogs are pretty amazing, and cats stink. Maybe that's why when I think of a cat, I think of the video below.

In the cat's defense, that seems like a scary place. 
But...the cat's far scarier.

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In the end, I'm not going to argue that cats are actually bad pets.  For people living in apartments, or people who can't or won't take an animal out for walks, sure a cat might be nice.  For people who don't enjoy being given love and affection, I bet a cat is great.  And hey, I imagine that for people who hate cuddling with furry critters, or being greeted lovingly at the door by a being of pure joy and admiration, a dog would be a bad pet. 

For the rest of us?  For those of us who want love, want affection, want fun and energy and protection and loyalty and infinite, unabating joy?  There's nothing better than man's best friend.

Man's best friend AND baby's best friend, apparently!

Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy!  If you liked this story and rant, check out "Does a Bear S*** in the Woods?" or my video post, "The Stupid Alaska Moose Story".

Feel free to leave a comment below, even if it IS pro-cat! 
Again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed,

Brian the Author Guy