Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's day!  On Mother's day, I wrote up a short piece to dedicate to my own mom as a sort of 'apology' for being difficult as a kid. On Father's day, more apologies would be redundant.  Instead, I have a story to tell.

When I moved to Alaska, I drove here.  Considering I lived in Indiana originally, that was quite the feat, but I did one better even than that. I drove first from Indiana to Texas, to go from my undergrad to where my parents lived.  From Texas, I then drove to Alaska. The trip was around 4,000 miles of driving, and for the first 1500 or so miles, my dad drove with me to help with the trip before stopping off to fly home.

Now, it's nice enough already that my dad drove with me to help me with such a tough trip, but he didn't just drive with me: He spent time with me.  As adults, getting a chance to 'get to know' our parents can be fun, and interesting, and frankly rather eye-opening.  After all, when you're a kid you can't tell your parents any stories that start with, "So I'm drunk as a skunk..." but as an adult...well, you probably still shouldn't, but that doesn't stop me.

On this trip with my dad I got a chance to know him as more than the guy I'd grown up listening to (most of the time) and emulating.  He wasn't just this strange figure who supported the family and cooked (my dad is a pretty wicked-awesome cook), he was a really great guy! I got to talk with my dad about big topics, and big ideas, and I loved hearing what he had to say (most of the time).  Each night on my drive, which took around a week, I wrote down the notes from the day in a journal of sorts, and cataloged our trip and discussions in case I ever felt the need to revisit my experiences.  Even now I see the notes and am proud that we had such big and honest discussions.

Along the way, some of what my dad and I discussed was heavy, and deep.  We discussed what it means to feel masculine, and the importance of various concepts in our lives.  We briefly argued when I stated that having a beard was good, my dad said he preferred clean shaven men, and I made a snarky comment about how 'clean shaven men' was an oxymoron.  That conversation ended with us agreeing to disagree (though I still stand by my love of beards with a fierce passion).

We discussed religion and politics, and we discussed specific issues like separation of church and state, and federal aid to colleges.  We talked about anything we could think of.  We also listened to books on tape, and then discussed the merits of the stories, and our favorite characters.  And I was ASTONISHED to find out that my dad and I often agreed!  Given that most people in their teens and early twenties assume their parents are outdated, finding out my dad was informed, articulate, and reasonable was sort of like discovering that Santa is real, but instead of delivering presents he is a captain of industry, and so the childish wonder gives way to more adult wonder. Side note: That's a strange sentence to type, and I'm not sure the metaphor works, but it's how it felt so I'm keeping it in the post anyway.

We also talked about some smaller, sillier things.  And then personal things.  And then family things.  We discussed how we all fit together in my family, and who my siblings and I have grown up to be.  We discussed all these things, and at the end of the time I spent with my Dad, I felt that I knew him a great deal better than I had before.

We didn't agree on everything.  Heck, there were some issues divisive enough to make us downright grumpy, and dour (such as our beard-debate...and our discussion of what constitutes 'good' driving snack food, because I still think Twizzlers are terrible driving food).  But most of the time I came out of a discussion feeling like I respected my dad more, and that understood his viewpoints better. I felt like I knew why he felt the way he did, and that made a lot of what we disagreed about more understandable. 

It was the best part of that difficult journey, getting to know my dad.  Yes, I saw some amazing things in the trip.  I met a few great people.  I moved to Alaska, and began an adventure that while extremely tiring over the last two years has opened my options up, career-wise in a way I never would've expected. But without a doubt, getting to know my dad was a highlight of the trip.

My dad is pretty great: He's supported me emotionally, socially, financially, and he's given me and my siblings everything a kid could ask for.  He isn't alone: My mom works with him and they together make the best parenting duo I've ever known...and although that's a small sample given the lack of other parents I had as a kid, I'm still confident I got lucky on the parent lottery.

So, Happy Father's Day, Dad!  You're amazing. I love you a great deal, and I wish you a thousand good wishes every day, and ten-thousand on Father's day.  I love that we know each other better, and I love you a great deal. You're the coolest guy I know, and I once met Gary Sinise, so that's a HIGH bar to match, much less exceed!

And as a final conclusion to my Father's Day affectionate post, I have a few selected 5 awesome quotes of my dad from our long car journey that I'd like to share:

1) "No blood, no foul! If you live by that motto you'll have a much happier life."
(Context: We were discussing the idea of avoiding unnecessary anger, and how people often feel hurt or attack unnecessarily. My dad pointed out that if we were more forgiving of accidental insults or minor irritations instead of taking so much offense, we'd all be a lot happier in life)

2) "In a good book, the hero shouldn't be simple. Heroes have honor, care about people, struggle with decisions.  But he does what's right, even if it's hard. That's a real hero."
(Context: We were discussing our favorite heroes from literature, and he talked specifically about how the original Tarzan by Edgar Rice Burroughs grappled with morality, and even sacrifices his own happiness to bring happiness to the woman he loves)

3) "People don't quite get that there can be something special about being different, something unique and good.  They only see the obstacles, the problems with being different, instead of the good. Maybe you don't focus as well as some people, but you hold on to a thousand random facts, a million ideas all at once. The reason you can't focus is because your head has too much in it, and that's a good problem to have. Being disorganized is one piece of you, but there's so much more, and special, about being you."
(Context: we were discussing how I have been told  by teachers all my life that I likely have ADD.  My dad was talking about how he doesn't know if he has ADD or anything of that sort, but that he 'gets' what it's like having a brain that doesn't work 100% like everybody else's, and how though it can be a burden, being different can also allow you talents and skills other people lack)

4) "Good music is about making people feel good.  In my experience, good music makes any bad day better."
(Context: We were discussing why both my dad and I don't like a lot of rap, and why we really enjoy The Beatles more than most)

 5) "I am your biggest advocate.  Being a dad is about always going to bat for your kids, and always accepting them. A dad loves his kids no matter what, and takes care of them no matter what. No matter how old you get, you'll always be my son, and I will always be your strongest supporter."
(Context:  We were driving him to the airport so he could drive home, and I was thanking him for his awesome time driving with me. He took that opportunity to say something so sweet I had to pretend I had dust in my eye)

So Dad:  I love you.  You are a GREAT dad.  I'm lucky to have you, and I wish you all the best every single day of your life.  Happy Father's Day, and keep being awesome.
From your loving, very lucky, and still-bearded son,
-Brian

Beard Club

Having a beard is not actually a terribly impressive feat.  Most men grow beards by default, so having one is often seen more a sign of laziness than super-sweet facial-hair growing prowess. As a result, lots of people seem confused as to why so many guys are absolutely infatuated with their face-fluff. Today, I'm here to teach you why so many guys love facial hair, and why we feel like we belong to a special organization of fellows I like to refer to as the "Beard Club".

Fake or not, that is some glorious, 'I don't give a damn' facial hair.

There are lots of reasons to grow beards, and many guys fall in love with having facial hair for varied and different reasons.  Some people seem to think guys like growing a beard as a function of our stereotypical laziness. For some guys, this may be true. For most guys, it's not. Other people have claimed that beard-growing is seen as a sign of masculinity, and in an age where many gender roles are being redefined some men struggle to hold on to their perceived identity and conceptions of masculinity.  Again, that seems to be true for some guys, but not for most. I think that there are many complex and related reasons some guys grow beards, and I think for other guys it's simple and unimportant, but for whatever reasons, beard-growing is important to many guys, and it's often hard to understand and explain why. Instead of trying to rationalize it, though, I can only explain what having a beard is truly like, and explain why those of us with beards are drawn to each other in a sort of fraternity of facial-hair.

For the women in the world, realize that for a lot of guys, beards are like women's boobs:  They may not actually be important in an existential sense, but we care about them nonetheless.  We want or facial hair to look good.  Does THAT, perhaps, clear some of the confusion up?  Some women prefer their breasts being large or small or well displayed or hidden, and some men feel the same way about beards. Some women don't care about their breasts just as some men don't care about their beards. For me, I would happily grow a beard on my chest if I could.

I guess I'll have to settle for a Chestache.
For sale at LuvThatTee, a t-shirt site I help with on occasion!
http://www.luvthattee.com/7-funny

In the end, I believe that having a beard (or as we bearded folks call it, bearding) is something akin to joining a prestigious and enjoyable club. The club is open to any comers, so long as your face is covered in hair, and though many people might consider joining, those who actually join often find themselves feeling welcome, and at-home.

BEARD CLUB

Beard club, like fight club, has very few rules, and they're all basically reiterations of the first rule. The first rule of beard club is grow a beard.  The second rule is don't shave. Which is to say, grow a beard, but it's stated in a new way so we don't copy Fight Club directly, even if we're basically like fight club but better. Better in that we have beards.

Beard club means that you have facial hair and take pride in growing it.  It means you believe that you look good with a hairy face, and people are welcome to stand and adore in awe of your barbaric face-bristles.  It means that you believe that there are people who don't want to date men with beards, and those people are called fools. Being a member of beard club means that everywhere you go, people are nearly overcome with the urge to reach out, touch your face, and shiver with barely controlled excitement at the touch of your whiskers.

Even monkeys.

Bearding, above all, means taking pleasure in having a beard and enjoying it, for whatever reasons you personally please.  Beard club members may come to the club because of the fact that they get especially bad razor burn, or because they seek approval from other men, or simply because they lack a chin and want to look more intimidating.  It doesn't matter why you come to beard club, because in Beard Club, we all accept other mustachioed and chin-curtained men.

His beard says, "Welcome home, my bearded brother"

It has been noticed by man of my friends and family that when I have a larger beard, when it's fully grown and glorious and covering my whole face, other bearded men treat me more kindly.  it's almost like we belong to a shared group, and the truth is that's where this idea of 'beard club' comes from.  It truly seems that when you put two men with facial hair together, they treat each other nicely, in most situations (note:  This isn't to say all people with beards are nice, just that often bearded folks are nice to other bearded folks).

For example, when I first moved to Alaska, I was completely alone.  I literally didn't know a single other person within a thousand miles, and it was intimidating and uncomfortable for me.  I hated feeling lost, and as such I tried very hard to meet new people.  I went to church, even though I'm an atheist, because I wanted to feel a community.  I went to campus events, I attended the local freemason lodge meetings, and I did everything I could think of to meet new people, and rarely got results.  But one beautiful day on campus, as I was walking along in the short but gorgeous Alaskan summer, I passed another guy with a giant beard, and out of habit and awe told him, "Nice beard!" as I walked past.

He responded by telling me the same, and asked where I was headed.  When I said to a local eatery just off campus for some food, he said he was headed that way too, and joined me.  We spent the afternoon talking, we hung out and grabbed dinner, exchanged phone numbers, and I made perhaps my first real friend in Alaska.  And the only reason I met this wonderful, full-facial-haired friend?  My beard.

It was just like this!  Except, instead of being mutants and
in a film, imagine they had giant fluffy beards.

Finally, for those of you who will never be able to grow a grandiose and beautiful beard (women, people with certain lineages, or bad luck, or people who can only grow neck-beards, or other unseemly facial hair), I can explain bearding like this:

Imagine for a minute that you could have a sign that everyone noticed the minute they saw you.  This sign would say, "I am comfortable with how I look, I enjoy being who I am, and I and usually pretty pleasant and easy going."  Would you want that sign?  Would you want strangers to see you as an authority figure?  Would you want members of the opposite sex to swoon at the mere sight of you?  Well, if you said yes to any of these questions, you may now understand better why men grow beards. If you happen to be someone who CAN grow a beard and chooses not to, well I hope this post slapped some sense into you.

I would even say, I hope it beard-slaps some sense into you.

Now, my friends, you understand what it means to be a mustachioed or bearded member of the illustrious organization known as Beard Club.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!  If you want to do me a HUGE favor, follow me on Facebook, and share this post and others on BB+B you enjoy with your friends!
Thanks again,
-Brian

Anxiety Adventures!

I am what is politely referred to as a 'Worry Wart'.  I tend to over-think through the problems my life to the extent that I often spend hours, or even days devoted to figuring out all the possible problems and mistakes that I might make with a given interaction, project, or person. I once spent two hours in careful strategizing the best possible behaviors I could employ to come across as 'relaxed' and 'easy-going' at a party I was headed to that night...and realized after the fact that worrying about seeming relaxed was nauseatingly ironic.  I was so deep into the irony-zone that I was in danger of becoming the King of the Hipster Country, which you probably haven't heard of...

Well, not THAT ironic.

Despite my tendency to worry, I overcome most of my fears, and try not to change my behaviors to accommodate unrealistic worries. Sure, I might be nervous and uncomfortable when I think about heading out to a party with people I don't know well, but I'll still attend.  Sure, I'll spend so long thinking about every POSSIBLE iteration of opening conversations that I feel like Muad'Dib reading the possible futures (That's a Dune reference, for the majority of folks who are now confused), but I'll attend nonetheless. I might try on a half dozen shirts (they'll all look the same, but I won't notice that), I might have to listen to music to psyche myself up, and I might genuinely consider the pros and cons of pretending to have stomach problems, but eventually I'll go.

 Like Barney from HIMYM, Bon Jovi is often the start of my 'get psyched' playlist

Despite how it sounds, can also be useful!  Worrying is natural, and it's our way of thinking through possible problems and avoiding making unnecessary mistakes.  Where would we be if we didn't worry, and plan?  We'd sit on our toilets only to realize too late we're out of TP, or we'd start our oven only to realize we have no more frozen pizzas left to cook.  It would be Anarchy!  I can't tell you how often it's come in handy for me to always carry extra change, a lighter, a knife, a rain poncho, an emergency survival kit, two flashlights, backup batteries, cold weather gear, a change of shoes, and a toolbox in my car at all times. Well, actually I CAN tell you how often it's come in handy, because it's currently zero times, but ONE OF THESE DAYS it's going to come in handy, I'm sure of it.

Though, perhaps there's such a thing as 'over-prepared'...

* * *

A brief  story to illustrate the positive aspects of anxiety might be useful here, since this post has teetered precariously on the edge of sounding down:
As many BB+B readers will know, I'm currently in a Master's Biology program in Alaska, and frequently work outdoors, enjoying the short but nearly ideal Alaskan summer.  This past month, enjoying the relative warmth of summer here in Fairbanks, I was asked to help out with some research on a local river.  To me, that meant that we'd be spending a full day outdoors, likely on a boat and along various riverbanks, and I prepared as necessary.  I packed everything I thought might be necessary, which I admit was quite a load of gear. 

I packed a first aid kit, rain gear, a change of clothes in case I fell in the river, a little over a gallon of water, a lunch in a waterproof container, a small emergency kit (flashlight, matches, knife, TP, etc), a camera to take pictures, an extra pair of caliper for data collection, several plastic bags for either waterproofing or sample storage, and a pair of sandals in case my thick rubber boots got too hot. I packed these into other plastic bags or containers, attached a small clump of brightly colored flagging to my backpack so it would be easy to spot if it went in the river, and then got around to actually preparing myself. That meant coating myself in bug spray, sun screen, finding a pair of sturdy sunglasses, bringing my comically oversized hat out of the closet, dressing in multiple layers to ward off bugs and still have control over my temperature, and headed off to work.

I'm a little bit sad to realize how close to this photo I can be...

When I got there, I found that none of my three coworkers had brought rain gear, extra water, or really anything that I'd packed along.  They considered my preparations unnecessary, and rather comical. Consequently, we spent the start of our field-work day teasing me about being overly cautious, and unnecessarily prepared. I smiled and ignored them, because after working outdoors for several years, I've found that it's far better to be overly prepared than under-prepared.

To briefly summarize our day without going too laboriously into detail...
By the end of the day, I'd given out medicine from my first aid kit to two different people, those same two coworkers had needed to use my TP, I was one of only two people left wearing dry shoes (plastic bags, woo!), I had given out copious amounts of bug spray, sunscreen, and water, I was the only person without sunburn thanks to my oversized hat.  Further, we had needed to use my extra calipers, extra bags for sample collection, had required my multi-tool to cut some wiring that had bent out of place, and finally I was the only person not squinting due to the bright and uncomfortable almost-24-hour-a-day sun.

On the ride home, no one said a word about my 'unnecessary' preparedness, and in the weeks since, comments about my preparations have turned from teasing to appreciative. I'm fairly certain most of my coworkers learned their lesson.

* * *

To get back from the main point outside the example story above, I want to tell all of my readers not to worry about me.  Being anxious can sometimes be helpful, and I manage my anxious tendencies really well! Anxiety makes me careful and thorough. I handle my anxiety in such a way that it doesn't prevent me from being active and involved.  Anxiety has taught me not to charge headlong into most tasks, and I spend enough time considering the possibilities that I spot potential pitfalls more easily than other people.  Frankly, I'm rather happy to be a worry-wart: It's the 'silver lining' of anxiety that anxious people are often very careful, thorough, and detail-oriented.  It's like having carefulness as a super power, except it comes with OCCASIONALLY crippling fear/self-doubt. And unlike people with actual superpowers, anxious folks don't often fight crime or monsters. 
Usually.

If you've seen Iron Man 3, you'll realize Tony DOES have a super power: Anxiety!
(I can't find a source for this image. If you know the source let me know in the comments below!)

Before you get too sad or worried about me (though further irony caused by an anxiety-related post causing further anxiety would only cement my place as Hipster Royalty), let me be clear.  I handle my anxiety really well!  I am good at the many relaxation techniques every psychologist or doctor on Oprah or Dr. Phil (are those TV shows still around?) recommend. 

• The whole 'deep breathing to relax' thing?  I'm on it.  I breathe so effectively I don't even notice it.  I'm a MASTER of breathing.  If there were a PhD in breathing, I'd be Dr. Brian by now. 
• I'm also pretty stellar at the meditation thing.  "Empty your mind" you say?  Well, lucky me, I spend almost 7 hours a day with NOTHING going through my head.  Does that make me good at meditating or simply "Asleep", I don't know, but I'm going to assume sleeping and meditation are the same and call it a 'win' anyway. 
• I'm actually pretty good at keeping my cool,even in crises, which is another rare gift for anxious people.  Like, this morning when I got to my kitchen and realized I was out of bacon even though I wanted to have bacon and eggs, I didn't freak out!  I went baconless AND managed not to have a complete breakdown...That basically makes a black-belt in crisis management. 
• In conclusion:  I am clearly the master of relaxation.

Seriously though, everyone experiences anxiety to different degrees.  For some folks, it's a problem and nuisance every day.  For other folks, anxiety only intrudes during big events like when getting fired or season finales of their favorite TV show (both notoriously stressful occasions). For me, anxiety is a bit more common than for most, but there's still an upside, or silver lining: 
My car is friggin' READY TO GO for the apocalypse. When catastrophe strikes, all of my worrying and preparation will pay off in spades, I'm sure. After all, if I can save a river trip for several people with a single backpack, IMAGINE what emergency preparations I can fit in my car!

Thanks for reading, and as always I'd love to hear your feedback in the comments below!
The 2013 BB+B summer continues, and I'll continue to bring more frequent stories, tales, and random rants to your computer!  Check back often, or follow me on Facebook for the most up-to-date info!
Thanks!
-Brian

Swearing Like a Champion

When it comes to exclamations of profanity, I've found myself extremely disappointed lately.  No one seems to get creative!  Cussing has become commonplace. People just throw the F-bomb out without thought, and it's ruined swearing for the rest of us. Whether done out of anger or joy, swearing is meant to convey intensity.  Saying "I'm F***ing pissed" is meant as an exclamation of extreme and undeniable emotion.  Saying "I'm pissed" just means you're irritated.  Sadly, because so many people just throw the f-bomb into every other word it's now impossible to tell the difference between serious and meaningless swearing.

I'm not against cussing.  I've never subscribed to the belief that swearing is something bad. I just think we need to improve on our swearing, be more creative with our cusses. The misuse of a few particular swears has robbed the rest of the cuss-words of their meaning. 

Personally, I learned about creative cussing when I worked at a Boy Scout camp.  When you work with kids, and especially when you're working for the Boy Scouts of America, you're not supposed to swear.  As a result, my coworkers and I often had to substitute swear words for other phrases, and what we came up with, and the swear substitutes and lessons about swearing that learned from that Boy Scouting experiences are just too good not to share. So Today on BB+B, I give you:

Swearing Like a Champion:
The Ultimate Guide to Cussing Like You Mean It

One of the first tricks to swearing like a champion is getting ride of the single syllable exclamations.  "Jumping Jehoshaphat" is a great example of an older exclamation, and is more than a single word. If you hear someone yell "Jumping Jehoshaphat" you're going to pay attention a lot more than if they just throw out a standard "Damnit".  There's a long history of fictional characters swearing like this, but the average everyday person doesn't swear with vigor of your average fictional character. An easy way to change that is to use phrases or statements.  "By Thor's Hammer!" is a personal favorite, but really isn't a swear or cuss. Still, it's a great exclamation, and often people swear when they really just meant to show their surprise. 

If you want to swear like a champion, phrases that employ religious figures, cuss-words, and creativity are ALWAYS awesome.  Just check out the clip from "Team America" (NSFW clip, it's pretty obviously just extremely offensive cussing.  Hilarious, yes, but NSFW.)

 

I Repeat:  NSFW or around kids!

Using cool phrases or linking cusses together might be a nice way to spice up your swearing repertoire, but it's not the 'be-all, end-all' of swearing like a champ.  You should also work on your swearing creativity.  

One of the things I liked best about hearing adults try to hide their swears at the Boy Scout camp was that they found so many creative ways to say the same thing.  For example, instead of saying "fuck", one especially old man we worked with said "coitus".  It sounds childish, but you always knew it was just the same meaning as 'fuck'.  Another older scoutmaster used the phrase "Stop acting like a thrice-cursed boob" and "Foul offspring of a she-beast!" instead of calling people idiots, or saying 'son of a bitch'.  Seriously now, the next time you want to say sonofabitch, rather than using a phrase so overused it's lost all meaning, why not go with what he said?  It's more creative, says the same thing, and YES it sounds more awesome and intense.

Lastly, aside from using phrases instead of single words, or trying to rephrase old swears or reinvigorate older phrases in new ways, CREATE new swears.  My family grew up with the vintage phrase 'shozbot'.  A college buddy of mine swore with the phrase "BY TENDER HERA'S LABIA!" while another more nerdy frat-brother used "Fiends of Fiends!"  Neither of these are just rephrased or linked old swears, and yet somehow they are great. "Dagnabbit", while reminiscent of Yosemite Sam, is awesome and because it's not commonly used actually can seem MORE intense and exclamatory than the cusses we normally use. Remember: Swearing has a purpose. Forgetting that purpose is why people have begun to dismiss swears, and ignore their meaning.

Personally, I like to use all of these ideas to make my swears especially poignant. If I'm cussing, it's because I want to make a damned point.  If I'm swearing, it's because I have a goddamned important thing to say.  And if I'm trying to say what I need to say in the most intense, well described way possible, I want to use phrases that are awesome, badass, and generally creative.  There's a whole world of swearing out there that you've never even imagined.  So, try out something new, and I'm pretty sure you'll be pleased as shit that you did.

Thanks for reading, and if you're someone who isn't a fan of swearing, my bad!  I hope that MOST people, however, enjoyed this post, and I really hope it inspires everyone to try new swears out, and encourages cuss-creativity. 
Thanks for reading, BB+B fans!
-Brian