Swearing Like a Champion

When it comes to exclamations of profanity, I've found myself extremely disappointed lately.  No one seems to get creative!  Cussing has become commonplace. People just throw the F-bomb out without thought, and it's ruined swearing for the rest of us. Whether done out of anger or joy, swearing is meant to convey intensity.  Saying "I'm F***ing pissed" is meant as an exclamation of extreme and undeniable emotion.  Saying "I'm pissed" just means you're irritated.  Sadly, because so many people just throw the f-bomb into every other word it's now impossible to tell the difference between serious and meaningless swearing.

I'm not against cussing.  I've never subscribed to the belief that swearing is something bad. I just think we need to improve on our swearing, be more creative with our cusses. The misuse of a few particular swears has robbed the rest of the cuss-words of their meaning. 

Personally, I learned about creative cussing when I worked at a Boy Scout camp.  When you work with kids, and especially when you're working for the Boy Scouts of America, you're not supposed to swear.  As a result, my coworkers and I often had to substitute swear words for other phrases, and what we came up with, and the swear substitutes and lessons about swearing that learned from that Boy Scouting experiences are just too good not to share. So Today on BB+B, I give you:

Swearing Like a Champion:
The Ultimate Guide to Cussing Like You Mean It

One of the first tricks to swearing like a champion is getting ride of the single syllable exclamations.  "Jumping Jehoshaphat" is a great example of an older exclamation, and is more than a single word. If you hear someone yell "Jumping Jehoshaphat" you're going to pay attention a lot more than if they just throw out a standard "Damnit".  There's a long history of fictional characters swearing like this, but the average everyday person doesn't swear with vigor of your average fictional character. An easy way to change that is to use phrases or statements.  "By Thor's Hammer!" is a personal favorite, but really isn't a swear or cuss. Still, it's a great exclamation, and often people swear when they really just meant to show their surprise. 

If you want to swear like a champion, phrases that employ religious figures, cuss-words, and creativity are ALWAYS awesome.  Just check out the clip from "Team America" (NSFW clip, it's pretty obviously just extremely offensive cussing.  Hilarious, yes, but NSFW.)

 

I Repeat:  NSFW or around kids!

Using cool phrases or linking cusses together might be a nice way to spice up your swearing repertoire, but it's not the 'be-all, end-all' of swearing like a champ.  You should also work on your swearing creativity.  

One of the things I liked best about hearing adults try to hide their swears at the Boy Scout camp was that they found so many creative ways to say the same thing.  For example, instead of saying "fuck", one especially old man we worked with said "coitus".  It sounds childish, but you always knew it was just the same meaning as 'fuck'.  Another older scoutmaster used the phrase "Stop acting like a thrice-cursed boob" and "Foul offspring of a she-beast!" instead of calling people idiots, or saying 'son of a bitch'.  Seriously now, the next time you want to say sonofabitch, rather than using a phrase so overused it's lost all meaning, why not go with what he said?  It's more creative, says the same thing, and YES it sounds more awesome and intense.

Lastly, aside from using phrases instead of single words, or trying to rephrase old swears or reinvigorate older phrases in new ways, CREATE new swears.  My family grew up with the vintage phrase 'shozbot'.  A college buddy of mine swore with the phrase "BY TENDER HERA'S LABIA!" while another more nerdy frat-brother used "Fiends of Fiends!"  Neither of these are just rephrased or linked old swears, and yet somehow they are great. "Dagnabbit", while reminiscent of Yosemite Sam, is awesome and because it's not commonly used actually can seem MORE intense and exclamatory than the cusses we normally use. Remember: Swearing has a purpose. Forgetting that purpose is why people have begun to dismiss swears, and ignore their meaning.

Personally, I like to use all of these ideas to make my swears especially poignant. If I'm cussing, it's because I want to make a damned point.  If I'm swearing, it's because I have a goddamned important thing to say.  And if I'm trying to say what I need to say in the most intense, well described way possible, I want to use phrases that are awesome, badass, and generally creative.  There's a whole world of swearing out there that you've never even imagined.  So, try out something new, and I'm pretty sure you'll be pleased as shit that you did.

Thanks for reading, and if you're someone who isn't a fan of swearing, my bad!  I hope that MOST people, however, enjoyed this post, and I really hope it inspires everyone to try new swears out, and encourages cuss-creativity. 
Thanks for reading, BB+B fans!
-Brian