Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's day!  On Mother's day, I wrote up a short piece to dedicate to my own mom as a sort of 'apology' for being difficult as a kid. On Father's day, more apologies would be redundant.  Instead, I have a story to tell.

When I moved to Alaska, I drove here.  Considering I lived in Indiana originally, that was quite the feat, but I did one better even than that. I drove first from Indiana to Texas, to go from my undergrad to where my parents lived.  From Texas, I then drove to Alaska. The trip was around 4,000 miles of driving, and for the first 1500 or so miles, my dad drove with me to help with the trip before stopping off to fly home.

Now, it's nice enough already that my dad drove with me to help me with such a tough trip, but he didn't just drive with me: He spent time with me.  As adults, getting a chance to 'get to know' our parents can be fun, and interesting, and frankly rather eye-opening.  After all, when you're a kid you can't tell your parents any stories that start with, "So I'm drunk as a skunk..." but as an adult...well, you probably still shouldn't, but that doesn't stop me.

On this trip with my dad I got a chance to know him as more than the guy I'd grown up listening to (most of the time) and emulating.  He wasn't just this strange figure who supported the family and cooked (my dad is a pretty wicked-awesome cook), he was a really great guy! I got to talk with my dad about big topics, and big ideas, and I loved hearing what he had to say (most of the time).  Each night on my drive, which took around a week, I wrote down the notes from the day in a journal of sorts, and cataloged our trip and discussions in case I ever felt the need to revisit my experiences.  Even now I see the notes and am proud that we had such big and honest discussions.

Along the way, some of what my dad and I discussed was heavy, and deep.  We discussed what it means to feel masculine, and the importance of various concepts in our lives.  We briefly argued when I stated that having a beard was good, my dad said he preferred clean shaven men, and I made a snarky comment about how 'clean shaven men' was an oxymoron.  That conversation ended with us agreeing to disagree (though I still stand by my love of beards with a fierce passion).

We discussed religion and politics, and we discussed specific issues like separation of church and state, and federal aid to colleges.  We talked about anything we could think of.  We also listened to books on tape, and then discussed the merits of the stories, and our favorite characters.  And I was ASTONISHED to find out that my dad and I often agreed!  Given that most people in their teens and early twenties assume their parents are outdated, finding out my dad was informed, articulate, and reasonable was sort of like discovering that Santa is real, but instead of delivering presents he is a captain of industry, and so the childish wonder gives way to more adult wonder. Side note: That's a strange sentence to type, and I'm not sure the metaphor works, but it's how it felt so I'm keeping it in the post anyway.

We also talked about some smaller, sillier things.  And then personal things.  And then family things.  We discussed how we all fit together in my family, and who my siblings and I have grown up to be.  We discussed all these things, and at the end of the time I spent with my Dad, I felt that I knew him a great deal better than I had before.

We didn't agree on everything.  Heck, there were some issues divisive enough to make us downright grumpy, and dour (such as our beard-debate...and our discussion of what constitutes 'good' driving snack food, because I still think Twizzlers are terrible driving food).  But most of the time I came out of a discussion feeling like I respected my dad more, and that understood his viewpoints better. I felt like I knew why he felt the way he did, and that made a lot of what we disagreed about more understandable. 

It was the best part of that difficult journey, getting to know my dad.  Yes, I saw some amazing things in the trip.  I met a few great people.  I moved to Alaska, and began an adventure that while extremely tiring over the last two years has opened my options up, career-wise in a way I never would've expected. But without a doubt, getting to know my dad was a highlight of the trip.

My dad is pretty great: He's supported me emotionally, socially, financially, and he's given me and my siblings everything a kid could ask for.  He isn't alone: My mom works with him and they together make the best parenting duo I've ever known...and although that's a small sample given the lack of other parents I had as a kid, I'm still confident I got lucky on the parent lottery.

So, Happy Father's Day, Dad!  You're amazing. I love you a great deal, and I wish you a thousand good wishes every day, and ten-thousand on Father's day.  I love that we know each other better, and I love you a great deal. You're the coolest guy I know, and I once met Gary Sinise, so that's a HIGH bar to match, much less exceed!

And as a final conclusion to my Father's Day affectionate post, I have a few selected 5 awesome quotes of my dad from our long car journey that I'd like to share:

1) "No blood, no foul! If you live by that motto you'll have a much happier life."
(Context: We were discussing the idea of avoiding unnecessary anger, and how people often feel hurt or attack unnecessarily. My dad pointed out that if we were more forgiving of accidental insults or minor irritations instead of taking so much offense, we'd all be a lot happier in life)

2) "In a good book, the hero shouldn't be simple. Heroes have honor, care about people, struggle with decisions.  But he does what's right, even if it's hard. That's a real hero."
(Context: We were discussing our favorite heroes from literature, and he talked specifically about how the original Tarzan by Edgar Rice Burroughs grappled with morality, and even sacrifices his own happiness to bring happiness to the woman he loves)

3) "People don't quite get that there can be something special about being different, something unique and good.  They only see the obstacles, the problems with being different, instead of the good. Maybe you don't focus as well as some people, but you hold on to a thousand random facts, a million ideas all at once. The reason you can't focus is because your head has too much in it, and that's a good problem to have. Being disorganized is one piece of you, but there's so much more, and special, about being you."
(Context: we were discussing how I have been told  by teachers all my life that I likely have ADD.  My dad was talking about how he doesn't know if he has ADD or anything of that sort, but that he 'gets' what it's like having a brain that doesn't work 100% like everybody else's, and how though it can be a burden, being different can also allow you talents and skills other people lack)

4) "Good music is about making people feel good.  In my experience, good music makes any bad day better."
(Context: We were discussing why both my dad and I don't like a lot of rap, and why we really enjoy The Beatles more than most)

 5) "I am your biggest advocate.  Being a dad is about always going to bat for your kids, and always accepting them. A dad loves his kids no matter what, and takes care of them no matter what. No matter how old you get, you'll always be my son, and I will always be your strongest supporter."
(Context:  We were driving him to the airport so he could drive home, and I was thanking him for his awesome time driving with me. He took that opportunity to say something so sweet I had to pretend I had dust in my eye)

So Dad:  I love you.  You are a GREAT dad.  I'm lucky to have you, and I wish you all the best every single day of your life.  Happy Father's Day, and keep being awesome.
From your loving, very lucky, and still-bearded son,
-Brian