WWMRD: What Would Mr. Rogers Do?

In the last year, I've struggled with work, and research, and finding financial security, and all sorts of complicated things that come with being a responsible adult. Most of the time, this has resulted in me feeling like this:

"I'm not hyperventilating...the Earth's oxygen must've run out!"

When I have asked friends and family for advice, they've been wonderful.  I get support, letters, even a wonderful care package from time to time.  Truly, I am fortunate to have the support structure I do in my life. I daily reflect on the pure and unadulterated awesomeness that are my family and friends.

Basically, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

On rare occasions, though, people try to help me and end up actually making things worse. For example, when I received a supportive text message from an old college buddy.  I was having an especially rough week, and he tried to cheer me up with the following:
"Hey bro hope all is good wit u just remember you are a sinner and can chose to be redeem from hell if you wanna. WWJD?"

This left me, as you might imagine, somewhat confused. I mean, my friend meant well! But...his support was both unhelpful and actually broke my concentration worse than stress of being busy ever would. There's not a whole lot I can criticize in his intentions, except for the part where his idea of a supportive text message to a relatively open and outspoken atheist is to remind me that apparently I'm sinful in the eyes of his God, and somehow the only way to show support is poor grammar, bad spelling, and pushing what I consider one of the worst belief systems in religion on me.  I mean, in a religion with messages like 'Love conquers all' and the Golden Rule, he decided to send me the 'You belong in hell and are inherently sinful' message as a show of support.

This is my 'What the hell?' face.

When I'm saying, "I am having a hard time handling my workload" and "I am feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities and frustrations of my job" there's pretty much nothing on Earth I would like to avoid more than being told "You're a sinner".  And maybe most irritating of all, it ended with WWJD, which somehow he thought would be a useful question to ask when struggling with chemical analyses.

What would Jesus do? First, I'm neither attractive or thin enough to pose with my shirt off as most iconography shows Jesus doing.  I wouldn't look majestic and deific, I'd look overweight and hairy, which MANY women I've met in the last years have informed me isn't really "in-fashion" this season. Secondly, I'm nearly certain nobody living 2000 years ago would be able to help clarify what I should be doing as a modern scientific researcher.  I mean, "What would Jesus do?"  Probably pass out in shock at the modern technology.  Maybe cry a little. If I were in his shoes and shot forward 2,000+ years and saw the technology, I'd probably piss myself and pass out, so maybe he'd do that.  Or go around preaching to people. Literally none of that is helpful.

I didn't respond to the text message, and I didn't correct my friend about sending incredibly unhelpful support, I just let it go.  One of the common complaints about atheists and agnostics is that they can be obnoxious and force their beliefs into conversation, so I made a conscious choice to just appreciate the intent, even if the action was poorly thought out.

But as that day progressed I found myself repeatedly thinking about what a better person to suggest as a guide for life.  Who would be better for me to emulate?  Who could I try to live up to?  I needed to find someone to emulate whose actions and beliefs are useful in almost any situation.  I needed to find someone who never seems/seemed overwhelmed.  I needed someone with passion but stability, a strong work ethic but who still recognized the value of fun, and someone who I personally look up to.  Though the list of potential people was surprisingly long (for example, the amazingly crazy musician and inspirational speaker Andrew W.K. was on the short list for my new personal Jesus-figure) it came down to one person very quickly.

Mr. 'proof-of-the-existence-of-true-and-loving-goodness-in-the-world' Fred Rogers.

Seriously, Catholic Church, we've got another saint ready for processing.

If you don't know much about him, just know that he was AMAZING.  Check out the following video for more reasons to love ol' Fred. Video courtesy of the awesome "Mental Floss" youtube channel.




And with the decision to try to emulate that incredible man came an almost immediate change in my behavior:
-That same afternoon, I thought, "What would Mr. Rogers do?" and chose to call my grandma and told her I loved her just because, instead of taking a nap like I was tempted to do.
-An hour later, when I felt like I'd hit a wall on my research progress, I took a deep breath and put on cheerful music, instead of giving up and going home to nap, which never stopped being the thing I WANTED to do. 
-That evening, I took a nice walk through the woods, instead of playing video games or watching netflix.

It was incredible.  Asking myself WWJD resulted in questions about the response someone born 2000+ years ago would give to modern technology, a pointless and unhelpful question.  But asking myself WWMRD resulted in me taking better care of myself, feeling better about work, and showing my friends and family that I appreciate them.

As a result, I've concluded that from this day forth, when asking myself what I should do next, I won't think about religion, or ancient cultures.  No, I instead will ask myself, "What would Mr. Rogers do?"

I imagine that right now, he'd say to end with the positive and loving statement of:
Thanks for reading.  I hope you have a wonderful day. I really do appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say, and the interest you have shown in this blog and all my other endeavors.  And as always,

-Brian, the Author Guy.

 PS, check out the following amazing videos of this awesome man if you want to have perhaps the best day ever and be inspired towards greatness.A video of Mr. Rogers talking to the US Senate, in which he incontrovertibly proves his awesomeness.
Mr. Rogers' 1997 Emmy acceptance speech
A wonderful musical remix of Mr. Rogers, made by PBS!

"What Is Leadership?"

Have you ever worked in an office or office-like setting, and had a task that was left unassigned?  I mean, a task left open on the off chance somebody came along and agreed to it?  I’m talking about the sort of thing where a boss walks in and says, “Someone has to handle ‘Project X’ this week.  It’s a hard job, it gives no extra pay, but is completely necessary for the company.  Also, it is extremely frustrating, requires coordinating with people who have no interest in helping you, and whoever takes this job is basically agreeing to do ALL future Project X related work.”

Then the boss walks out the door with a smile on his face, because he or she knows SOMEONE will pick it up.  Some foolish, unfortunate fool with good intentions and a feeling of inflated obligation will make the mistake of accepting the job and being given a thousand headaches and the emotional and career equivalent of an expertly delivered punch to the groin.

Except, instead of jackass basketball player, it's life, and responsibility delivering the nut-punch

If you’ve ever worked in these sorts of office scenarios, then you know what comes next: A test of willpower.  Everyone in the room looking at their computer screens or work and just praying they’re not picked.  Everyone avoiding eye contact and thinking, “Merciful Zeus let it not be me. I’ve got better things going in my life than staying late at work to do a project I don’t give a crap about.” Everyone holding out until EVENTUALLY someone's will breaks and they agree to the job nobody else wants to do.

Miraculously, one person’s hand will almost always shoot up.  Some fool will think to themselves, “It doesn’t seem that bad” and “I mean, someone has to do it!”  That fool will take on the responsibility and decide, “Sure, yes, I’ll do it, because that’s the right thing to do.” They might even have a bit of pride when they take on the job, because they feel like they're doing the 'right thing' and will be appreciated for it.

That person is an idiot. 

That person is ALSO a leader.

Because he's the leader the office deserves, but not the one it wants right now...

I have worked in places like that, where everyone stares down and tries not to get picked for extra responsibility.  I’ve worked in those sorts of situations for as long as I’ve had a job. And like a complete and utter idiot, I’ve usually volunteered myself for the terribly unpleasant job of being ‘in charge'.

I know I’m the one to blame for being busy and overworked, then.  No one pushes those jobs on me, or guilts me into them.  No one tries to trick me into assuming leadership when none has been thrust on me.  The only person pushing those jobs on me is ME.  And that’s because in the back of my head there’s a tiny voice, high pitched and impossible to ignore that says, “It needs to get done.  Period.” That voice, which in my head sounds REMARKABLY like a chipmunk'd version of John Stamos never shuts up.  He constantly, without fail, tells me that I should take on the task. 

 
And in doing so, I usually convince myself I'm being a badass. I sometimes even imagine this wonderful speech in my head where the infinite world is personified, and tells me, “Brian, you are the chosen one.  You must do this job, because only you feel obligated.  You are chosen, because (like most superheroes) you’ve convinced yourself you OWE the world your work!” And if you’re wondering, yes, in this crazy fever dream, the amorphous and infinitely complex world IS dressed like Princess Leia. 

HELP ME BRIAN: YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!

When I was in high school, we were looking for Seniors to help teach the freshman choir.  Back then, I signed up, and was given the privilege of handling a bunch of freshman boys every day in choir class.  At the same time in high school I took on a job with the boy scouts as the senior patrol leader, which for all of you who aren’t nerdy boy scouts, means I was in charge of the troop as a whole.  I also volunteered for mission trips with my church.  For a while I became a tutor for my AP biology course. On and on, I kept taking on these big tasks because I felt obligated, felt like I HAD to do so.  In general, I was a ‘do it all, never stop working’ sort of person, despite the strange contradiction of also being lazy whenever it came to doing most things for myself.

And this continued in college.  I joined clubs, got involved in and helped run a fraternity, held down multiple work study jobs, was a huge pain in the ass to be around and worked my butt off.  Even now in grad school, I’m doing it all over again, taking on roles I probably shouldn’t take on.  And like back then, I still come home and wonder why I never have sufficient free time to do the silly and unimportant things like ‘sleep’ and ‘have a social life’.

I wrote this post with the intention of bitching and complaining, but about 3 sentences in I had to go back and start over, and write what you see now.  I had to admit that, in reality, I don’t have these things pushed on me, I take them on willingly.  No one MAKES me do them, even if I feel pressured from time to time, in reality it’s my CHOICE.  It’s my decision. And nobody makes it for me.

Leadership is when you turn the triangle into a square with a corner
that says, "UNNECESSARY OBLIGATIONS", and still try to do all 4 things.

The thing writing this post DID remind me was that, though it’s a pain, I choose my leadership responsibilities.  And it made me wonder if, maybe, that’s the real test of natural leadership.  Maybe the only difference between a follower and a leader is how much pressure it takes to assume the mantle of responsibility.

I know it’s not terribly humble to call oneself a leader.  I’m not, though, claiming to be a GOOD leader.  A good leader probably wouldn’t complain about it, and definitely wouldn’t write wordy blog posts about their responsibilities. But I AM a leader nonetheless.  I take on responsibilities and try to improve the way for the people around me.  I am compelled, as if by magic, to tackle the tasks that the rest of the office, club, or group leaves alone.  And maybe, just maybe, that’s a good thing.  After all, everyone wants to be in charge when being in charge is easy.  It takes a leader, someone with the seemingly impossible combination of an inflated sense of responsibility and too little willpower to just resist the obligations, to get things done when being in charge is hard.

So the next time someone at a leadership workshop, or during a ‘Human Resources’ training exercises asks that age old question, “What is a leader?” you will have an answer.  A leader is someone with enough willpower to accomplish anything, and yet not enough willpower to turn down a challenge.  A leader is someone who wants to do great things, but understand that great things only come after you do the not-so-great ones. And a leader is someone who believes that the world is watching, and cheering them on…even when in reality, the world is laughing at the sucker who just agreed to spend his weekend in the office, unpaid, ‘because it’s the right thing to do.’

Thanks for reading!  Sorry to have been gone so long, lots of personal work to take care of, work stuff to take care of, and bouts with both writer's block and grumpiness.  I'm working on it, and hope you stick around with BB+B for more fun in the future!

-Brian, the Author Guy