Homophobe-Phobia

Homophobia isn't really a phobia.  You see, a phobia is an irrational fear, by definition, whereas most people who are homophobic don't appear to fear gays but rather just detest them.  The average homophobe doesn't freeze up and run, screaming and waving their arms when a homosexual walks by.  Though, that would be pretty great, both because I would love to see them chased away, and because they tend to be really old, so they'd probably break a hip in fear.

There are some GENUINE homophobes, individuals who are absolutely and completely terrified of gays (See: Fred Phelps or his hate group, the Westboro Baptist Church).  Still, even they tend to combine their fear with some degree of malice, unlike most phobias.  Arachnophobes flee from spiders, but they don't try to limit their civil rights or claim them to be cursed by God. 

Unlike most homophobes, however, I am genuinely afraid: Afraid of homophobes. You might think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not.  You see...I fear what they do, and what they think. I fear their outdated hate speech, and I fear their desperate clinging to scripture as an excuse for their own prejudices.  Frankly, I'm surprised more people aren't afraid of them.

While normal people respond to logic, homophobes don't.  While a normal person feels shame and a need to share camaraderie with other humans, homophobes don't.  The most basic principles of humanity, such as community, kindness, and love seem lost on them.  That's why I've concluded they're actually secretly monsters. Like the werewolf, zombie, and vampires of legend, they plague humanity from the shadows.  And I have proof.

Consider the following:
Like zombies, homophobes cannot be reasoned with.  Logic and communication falls on their closed ears equally as well as it would fall on the mindless undead. They seem to be what is left of humanity once we lose our sense of kindness, kinship, and of course, brains. They rise up from our nightmares, and spread their sickness wherever they go, attacking seemingly at random. I direct your attention again to Fred Phelps: He genuinely appears to both act and look like a zombie, if zombies smell of mothballs and bigotry.

He certainly seems to need some brains...and skin cream...and human decency.

Like lycanthropes (werewolves), homophobes can appear human most of the time.  That is, until their insides boil, and their inner beast (or in this case, inner asshole) bursts out, spreading pain and social awkwardness as they rage and rampage.  Homophobes don't care about destruction, and seem to take pleasure from tearing down gays wherever they go.  Like wolf-men, they seek normal people who just want to live their lives, and then pounce on them.  Instead of teeth, they have hateful pamphlets, and instead of claws they have hateful speech, but they leave scars and pain just the same. And like werewolves, they spread their disease to their children, who aren't able to yet think for themselves, and struggle to find their own cure through their whole lives.

I genuinely pity that child.  The adult?
Silvered bullets come to mind, though I generally discourage gun violence.

Like vampires, homophobes suck. I probably should have more to say, like how they never take a look at themselves in the mirror, and how they see only darkness and fear the warmth and sun that comes with kindness, but mostly they just suck. And just like vampires, their obsession with crosses is downright frightening. Oh, and don't forget that ever since the Twilight series was published, we've become pretty much convinced most of them are secretly gay, but unwilling to admit it.

"Interview With a Vampire" didn't help their case much either....

 So, when you see someone standing on the street waving a 'God hates fags' poster, or preaching about how God loves everyone (as long as they're straight), give them space.  Step aside, and maybe avoid eye contact.  After all, you don't know what it might take to let their sick thoughts infect you.  A Zombie apocalypse is pretty damned scary, but a world full of homophobes...
Well, that's just downright frightening.

Thanks for reading, and I hope this message spreads far and wide.
-Brian