Bunny Rabbits: Hell-Hounds of Satan.

Bunnies are not cute.  I know they appear to be, but I learned differently when I was a child.  They are vicious, hateful rodents who wish nothing but your pain and misery.  While many people celebrate Easter, I do not because I know that Bunnies are not what they appear.

Growing up, our next-door neighbors raised rabbits. My sister, who I lovingly call Sister as a nickname,  thought that this was just delightful and actually asked my neighbors for a pet rabbit.  Our loving and friendly neighbors happily obliged, with a beautiful little bunny baby, thick white fur and a large brown/copper colored spot on its haunches.  Creatively, we named the rabbit with the copper spot on its back "Copperspot". 

We fed Copperspot massive amounts of food, and quickly let it grow from cute-li'l-bunny to giant-behemoth-rabbit. Sister took care of Copperspot pretty well, and aside from letting Copperspot grow gigantic, my sister was a great owner.  Because of Sister's care, within a few months of getting her Copperspot went from fits-in-one-hand size to dear-god-how-is-a-rabbit-this-heavy size.  We played with Copperspot for a few hours every day, but mostly she was left alone in our basement, honing her keen wild instincts.  Our childish ignorance and the foolish assumption that bunnies are all cute and cuddly allowed Copperspot to become a beast worthy of fearing.  Our bunny was terrible to behold, queen of all she surveyed. And she thirsted for blood.

One frightening fact I learned from that hell-hound of a rabbit was that rabbits can actually vocalize some pretty intense sounds.  I know they seem silent, but DID YOU KNOW RABBITS CAN BARK?  It's not loud, but that somehow makes it worse. It sounds almost like a dog that has its vocal chords injured, an almost airy sounding grunt.  It sounds vicious, and dirty, and a million other descriptors that simply add up to frightening. Copperspot taught me this by barking at me if I ever encroached on HER  basement, and soon I learned to fear that barking sound...it meant that the bunny-beast was near. 

Similarly, Copperspot also taught me that rabbits can bite! She seemed to find my fingers and toes particularly delectable. Copperspot would hop over to wherever I or my siblings were sitting, and stealthily approached, seeming cute.  Rabbits, like most nightmare creatures, are normally silent, and this lets them sneak up on you more easily. And when Copperspot would reach us, nose twitching and ears askew, she'd launch her vicious assault.  She'd jump to whatever she could find, and take a tiny but surprisingly painful nip at your limbs.  It hurt just enough to be scary, but never really broke the skin.  She seemed to know that if she didnt' cause us to bleed, we wouldn't retaliate, so Copperspot managed to find a strategy to maximize pain without facing judgment.  She was a genius, and her wicked mind was determined to hurt us in any way she could. From that beast, I learned that actually for rabbits, their bite is significantly worse than their bark.  And their bark is pretty scary to begin with.

I wasn't just some wimp who was afraid of that demonic bunny.  Even our pet dog was terrified of Copperspot. Jersey, our lovable golden retriever, was just as cowed by Copperspot as the rest of us, and Copperspot took advantage of this by chasing Jersey around whenever she went downstairs into the basement.  Copperspot jumped after Jersey, taunting the poor pooch. We never managed to see it, but on several occasions we'd hear a sudden squeal or howl from Jersey, and know that Copperspot liked to feast on more than human flesh...This evil Rabbit scared the whole of our family, and yet seemed immune to fear herself.  Copperspot was pure, unadulterated evil.

Due to our mismanagement of the pet, we eventually had to give Copperspot away.  I never really found out what happened after that, but I know she was passed from owner to own multiple times, always because of her scary attitude.  Copperspot soon passed out of my memory, and like the stories of the boogeyman from my early years, was remembered only in stories and nightmare, and the fear I felt in the dark of night.

Copperspot, the demon bunny, taught me that every animal on earth can be scary if given the chance. And so this Easter, as most people see hundreds of cute bunnies and adorable multicolored eggs, I see the world a bit differently.  I see the Easter Bunny as the pagan creature it was based on. I don't see cute hopping and nose-sniffling, I see terrible jumping death, and the nose-sniffing of a hunter, seeking prey.  So Happy Easter to everyone...and remember, the bunnies might seem cute, but that doesn't make them any less terrifying.

Happy Easter, foul beast!

Happy Easter to those who celebrate, and happy whatever holiday you celebrate or ignore to the rest!
From BB+B, I want to say thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!
-Brian