The Annual Family Fight: Happy Holidays From BB+B

Every year at Christmas, as much of my family as possible gathers together, to celebrate the holidays.  When I was a bit younger, we'd all drive to my grandparents house where my family and the other 3 families in our particular Allman clan would eat my grandmother's delicious cooking, sit around the fireplace as my rotund grandfather put on a silly Santa hat and made the loudest and most impatient grandchild the 'elf' of the year to keep them quiet, and gave each other presents.  I loved this tradition, and I looked forward to the family Christmas for the rest of the year.

As an adult, it has become harder and harder for my family to get together each year at Christmas.  Now, my sister lives in the northern midwest with her husband (their 3rd wedding anniversary is in 2 weeks!), my brother moves around from place to place in the military, and I'm currently residing in Fairbanks Alaska, in order to prove to myself that sunlight and warmth are not true human necessities. My parents live in Texas, though, which is much further from my Grandparent's place than my childhood home.  This means that each year instead of going to see the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, we now spend our family Christmases gathering usually 2/3 of the children in Texas, and having a nice vacation down south.

As with any family, we fall into patterns, and the same silly problems erupt every year.  My brother, an admittedly sour and gruff sort, offends or insults my sister or I, and then she and/or I (usually and) get whiny, make a fuss, and our parents spend the holidays trying desperately to control the fallout of our unnecessary squabbles.  It's a holiday tradition I like to call the "Annual family fight", and I've become well versed in its trends.

My mother, bless her angelically lovable soul, tries to keep friendly and calm despite the shenanigans going on around her.  My brother, sister, and I fight and she bakes cookies, arranges fun movies, and sets up absolutely flawless parties and get-togethers that my siblings and I inevitably almost ruin with our petty problems.

My father, a king among men, enforces sibling peace through the holiday.  He tells us to shut our damned mouths and hug, finds the perfect family movies to watch, and then helps cook (because despite being a very manly man, he cooks better than your average 5 star restaurant's chef) for whatever fun parties my mother artfully arranges.

At the end of each holiday's "family fight" we find a few days of blissful peace together, before heading off back to our real lives.  It's a wonderful Christmas tradition, and I sincerely enjoy it more and more each year, though I admit I would prefer the event to have less fighting, but I cannot control that as well as I'd like.

These are my parents.  They're wonderful people with seemingly infinite patience, and I'm lucky they're in my life.

Fighting is a natural part of being in a family.  If you have siblings, you know that it's nearly impossible to enjoy a sibling's company without a few meaningless squabbles and petty fights breaking out most days. This is especially true during holidays, when we're all trying to re-learn how to relax after months and months of being busy with work, school, or our normal personal lives. 
Whenever you show up to see family for vacation, it takes at least 3-4 days to settle into your comfortable rhythms together, and 3-4 more before you actually feel relaxed like a vacation should. Perhaps that explains our annual family fight.  Or, perhaps it's something else. 

Personally, I think it's something much simpler:  I think that all families, after being apart for so long, simply cannot remember how to interact.  The things that we love about each other (for me it's my sister's emotional and caring personality, my brother's stoic strength, my mom's infinite perseverance in troubled situations, and my father's stern but loving guidance) have all been forgotten in our time apart.  We have to re-learn each other's habits and behaviors.  We have to get reacquainted to being with family members that we only see once or twice a year. Then, when we get reacquainted, we have to move past the old version of ourselves that our families remind us about. Only once we're accustomed to being with family again and after we move past the reminders of our past selves can we enjoy the holidays without fighting.

That's why holidays are always so rough to start.  You have to re-learn old relationships you thought you understood.  You have to get past the old version of yourself that your family reminds you of.  You have to ignore the sneaking suspicion in the back of your head that you all cannot get along anymore, and you have to smile, hug, and accept your family as they are today. It's not easy, but it's necessary, and once you get past that pesky acceptance stage, you actually enjoy being around your family again.

That's why this year, I'm trying to rush the process along. 
My brother has managed to be an intolerable ass since I got here:  I don't blame him, I'm rather convinced that as his twin I must have absorbed all the 'nice' in the womb and left him the unhealthily share of 'grumpy' and 'gruff'. I'm trying to ignore the fact that I'm a very liberal atheist scientist currently visiting a particularly conservative area of a religious and conservative state. I'm even mostly over the disappointment of missing out on seeing my lovely sister this year, since I know I'll see her sometime this summer.

I am resolved to make this holiday a good one, and I am resolved to spend as much time as possible being friendly and fun instead of aggressive and harsh this December. I am going to be friendly and loving and ignore the profoundly 'Texas' surroundings.  I'll focus on my love of spending time with my family, and the fun of the holiday.  I will not allow the 'Annual Family Fight' to progress even one step further. 

I'm an atheist, but even I know that the spirit of the holidays is hope and love.  I'm extremely liberal, but even I know that it's acceptable to respond 'merry christmas' instead of the more politically correct 'happy holidays' that seems to unnaturally rile up the local Texans. Even as a sibling, I know that it's probably better if I can manage to avoid the fighting this year and focus instead on the family love.

I hope you all will join me this holiday season in ignoring the petty squabbles, the religious arguments, and the political strife. Let's all do our best to turn over a new leaf, and make the annual holiday traditions focus more on fun and family than frustration and fighting. Let's make it a very happy holiday, and bear whatever we must so that we can get back to our real lives in a few weeks well rested, happily stuffed with holiday feasts, and looking forward to next year's holiday traditions.

From Beards Bears and Brian, I wish you all a wonderful and happy Holiday season. 
Stay warm, keep smiling, and try to ignore the voice in the back of your head telling you to argue with your family this year.

Thanks as always, and I have appreciated you all reading my blog in its first year.  I hope as 2013 approaches I can make it even better, and you all can enjoy my musings and thoughts even more.

Ho-Ho-Ho, Happy Holidays (Christmas, Hannukah, or whatever holidays you all celebrate),Brian, The Author guy.

And for your amusement, here's a photo of me from 5 years ago,
celebrating the holidays with a barrel of monkeys toy I was given as a gag gift.