Anxiety Adventures!

I am what is politely referred to as a 'Worry Wart'.  I tend to over-think through the problems my life to the extent that I often spend hours, or even days devoted to figuring out all the possible problems and mistakes that I might make with a given interaction, project, or person. I once spent two hours in careful strategizing the best possible behaviors I could employ to come across as 'relaxed' and 'easy-going' at a party I was headed to that night...and realized after the fact that worrying about seeming relaxed was nauseatingly ironic.  I was so deep into the irony-zone that I was in danger of becoming the King of the Hipster Country, which you probably haven't heard of...

Well, not THAT ironic.

Despite my tendency to worry, I overcome most of my fears, and try not to change my behaviors to accommodate unrealistic worries. Sure, I might be nervous and uncomfortable when I think about heading out to a party with people I don't know well, but I'll still attend.  Sure, I'll spend so long thinking about every POSSIBLE iteration of opening conversations that I feel like Muad'Dib reading the possible futures (That's a Dune reference, for the majority of folks who are now confused), but I'll attend nonetheless. I might try on a half dozen shirts (they'll all look the same, but I won't notice that), I might have to listen to music to psyche myself up, and I might genuinely consider the pros and cons of pretending to have stomach problems, but eventually I'll go.

 Like Barney from HIMYM, Bon Jovi is often the start of my 'get psyched' playlist

Despite how it sounds, can also be useful!  Worrying is natural, and it's our way of thinking through possible problems and avoiding making unnecessary mistakes.  Where would we be if we didn't worry, and plan?  We'd sit on our toilets only to realize too late we're out of TP, or we'd start our oven only to realize we have no more frozen pizzas left to cook.  It would be Anarchy!  I can't tell you how often it's come in handy for me to always carry extra change, a lighter, a knife, a rain poncho, an emergency survival kit, two flashlights, backup batteries, cold weather gear, a change of shoes, and a toolbox in my car at all times. Well, actually I CAN tell you how often it's come in handy, because it's currently zero times, but ONE OF THESE DAYS it's going to come in handy, I'm sure of it.

Though, perhaps there's such a thing as 'over-prepared'...

* * *

A brief  story to illustrate the positive aspects of anxiety might be useful here, since this post has teetered precariously on the edge of sounding down:
As many BB+B readers will know, I'm currently in a Master's Biology program in Alaska, and frequently work outdoors, enjoying the short but nearly ideal Alaskan summer.  This past month, enjoying the relative warmth of summer here in Fairbanks, I was asked to help out with some research on a local river.  To me, that meant that we'd be spending a full day outdoors, likely on a boat and along various riverbanks, and I prepared as necessary.  I packed everything I thought might be necessary, which I admit was quite a load of gear. 

I packed a first aid kit, rain gear, a change of clothes in case I fell in the river, a little over a gallon of water, a lunch in a waterproof container, a small emergency kit (flashlight, matches, knife, TP, etc), a camera to take pictures, an extra pair of caliper for data collection, several plastic bags for either waterproofing or sample storage, and a pair of sandals in case my thick rubber boots got too hot. I packed these into other plastic bags or containers, attached a small clump of brightly colored flagging to my backpack so it would be easy to spot if it went in the river, and then got around to actually preparing myself. That meant coating myself in bug spray, sun screen, finding a pair of sturdy sunglasses, bringing my comically oversized hat out of the closet, dressing in multiple layers to ward off bugs and still have control over my temperature, and headed off to work.

I'm a little bit sad to realize how close to this photo I can be...

When I got there, I found that none of my three coworkers had brought rain gear, extra water, or really anything that I'd packed along.  They considered my preparations unnecessary, and rather comical. Consequently, we spent the start of our field-work day teasing me about being overly cautious, and unnecessarily prepared. I smiled and ignored them, because after working outdoors for several years, I've found that it's far better to be overly prepared than under-prepared.

To briefly summarize our day without going too laboriously into detail...
By the end of the day, I'd given out medicine from my first aid kit to two different people, those same two coworkers had needed to use my TP, I was one of only two people left wearing dry shoes (plastic bags, woo!), I had given out copious amounts of bug spray, sunscreen, and water, I was the only person without sunburn thanks to my oversized hat.  Further, we had needed to use my extra calipers, extra bags for sample collection, had required my multi-tool to cut some wiring that had bent out of place, and finally I was the only person not squinting due to the bright and uncomfortable almost-24-hour-a-day sun.

On the ride home, no one said a word about my 'unnecessary' preparedness, and in the weeks since, comments about my preparations have turned from teasing to appreciative. I'm fairly certain most of my coworkers learned their lesson.

* * *

To get back from the main point outside the example story above, I want to tell all of my readers not to worry about me.  Being anxious can sometimes be helpful, and I manage my anxious tendencies really well! Anxiety makes me careful and thorough. I handle my anxiety in such a way that it doesn't prevent me from being active and involved.  Anxiety has taught me not to charge headlong into most tasks, and I spend enough time considering the possibilities that I spot potential pitfalls more easily than other people.  Frankly, I'm rather happy to be a worry-wart: It's the 'silver lining' of anxiety that anxious people are often very careful, thorough, and detail-oriented.  It's like having carefulness as a super power, except it comes with OCCASIONALLY crippling fear/self-doubt. And unlike people with actual superpowers, anxious folks don't often fight crime or monsters. 
Usually.

If you've seen Iron Man 3, you'll realize Tony DOES have a super power: Anxiety!
(I can't find a source for this image. If you know the source let me know in the comments below!)

Before you get too sad or worried about me (though further irony caused by an anxiety-related post causing further anxiety would only cement my place as Hipster Royalty), let me be clear.  I handle my anxiety really well!  I am good at the many relaxation techniques every psychologist or doctor on Oprah or Dr. Phil (are those TV shows still around?) recommend. 

• The whole 'deep breathing to relax' thing?  I'm on it.  I breathe so effectively I don't even notice it.  I'm a MASTER of breathing.  If there were a PhD in breathing, I'd be Dr. Brian by now. 
• I'm also pretty stellar at the meditation thing.  "Empty your mind" you say?  Well, lucky me, I spend almost 7 hours a day with NOTHING going through my head.  Does that make me good at meditating or simply "Asleep", I don't know, but I'm going to assume sleeping and meditation are the same and call it a 'win' anyway. 
• I'm actually pretty good at keeping my cool,even in crises, which is another rare gift for anxious people.  Like, this morning when I got to my kitchen and realized I was out of bacon even though I wanted to have bacon and eggs, I didn't freak out!  I went baconless AND managed not to have a complete breakdown...That basically makes a black-belt in crisis management. 
• In conclusion:  I am clearly the master of relaxation.

Seriously though, everyone experiences anxiety to different degrees.  For some folks, it's a problem and nuisance every day.  For other folks, anxiety only intrudes during big events like when getting fired or season finales of their favorite TV show (both notoriously stressful occasions). For me, anxiety is a bit more common than for most, but there's still an upside, or silver lining: 
My car is friggin' READY TO GO for the apocalypse. When catastrophe strikes, all of my worrying and preparation will pay off in spades, I'm sure. After all, if I can save a river trip for several people with a single backpack, IMAGINE what emergency preparations I can fit in my car!

Thanks for reading, and as always I'd love to hear your feedback in the comments below!
The 2013 BB+B summer continues, and I'll continue to bring more frequent stories, tales, and random rants to your computer!  Check back often, or follow me on Facebook for the most up-to-date info!
Thanks!
-Brian