The Eyes of Brian Pt. 1: The Wicked W/Bitch of the Midwest

Today I'd like to do something very unusual for me:  Tell a story that I didn't actually experience myself.  Rather, my sister (a pretty good story teller in her own right) has filled me in on some details from her life, and I'm now going to take this information and tell the story myself.  Think of it as a very long and confusing game of 'telephone'. With my sister's permission and even suggestions, I'd like to tell you her fairy tale story. Let us begin.

* * *

The Princess and the Wicked B/Witch

My sister (my senior by two years) is a music teacher, and in my biased opinion basically the greatest teacher to have ever walked the face of the Earth. She makes Keating from "Dead Poets Society" seem stuffy and disinterested.  She's basically everything good ever. If that sounds a bit hyperbolic, well, I already admitted I'm biased, but I mean it nonetheless! She really is a great, passionate, and dedicated teacher.

While many of us struggle to find our calling in life, she's basically been on the music/teaching path since she was old enough to speak (and therefore sing). When she was age 5, she was coaching me to become a better singer (I was 3).  At age 8, she taught my brother and I how to play most sports, just for kicks.  It's as if my sister was destined from birth to be a teacher, because she's always had an innate tendency to teach, and to help whatever students she has learn. Not only does she love the actual WORK part of her job, but she also loves her school, students, and  coworkers. My sister is basically Ms. Frizzle from "The Magic School Bus", except she teaches music and spanish instead of...whatever it was Ms. Frizzle taught. And she's not a ginger. And she's not magic.  So maybe the Ms. Frizzle analogy isn't perfect, but there aren't too many great fictional teacher characters, especially female ones, to draw from.

But how AWESOME was Ms. Frizzle?

Currently at my sister's teaching job, she has to deal with some pretty unpleasant people.  Whiny parents, obstinate administrators, and all of the normal headaches of teaching seem to crop up in my sister's life far more often than they ought to.  Somehow, despite these troubles, my sister doesn't let problems get to her.  She forges ahead, and continues to work her butt off as she's always done.  But with the arrival of her own, perfectly suited Disney villain, keeping herself above the fray has been made much more difficult.

You see, my sister has found herself own evil nemesis. Due to the age difference between her and her enemy, though, I feel like being her nemesis isn't the best way to describe the villain in this case.  I mean, Harry Potter isn't really the 'nemesis' of Voldemort, right?  He's an enemy, but with such an age disparity, it's hard to be the 'nemesis' of this particular villain. That is why I believe this villain is far more like the 'evil stepmother/queen' stereotype Disney characters always seem to face. This villain is another teacher (who I like to call the Wicked Bitch of the Midwest, but we'll go with "Wicked Witch" to be nice).  The Wicked Witch acts as if she were in a life-long audition for the part of Cinderella's evil stepmother, or "101 Dalmatians" famous Cruella Deville, but instead of stealing a throne, or skinning 101 adorable dalmatian puppies, she's out for my sister's job (which sounds like "Wicked Stepmother Trying to Steal the Throne 101" to me).

The Wicked Witch concocts Machiavellian schemes to seize power all while she smiles a painfully insincere smile and pretends to be interested in her coworkers' lives. Yeah, she's 'that guy' in the office, the one nobody likes for reasons that are hard to really explain...She makes friendly chit-chat, says hello in the hallway, and is happy to share a smile with everyone she meets, but in private she insults all the people she was previously being nice to. As a result, everyone sort of assumes she's secretly out to get them (which she probably is), making it very difficult for the Witch to ever be trusted enough to seize power. The Wicked Witch is just like the evil queen from the movie Enchanted...or the evil queen from "Snow White"...or the evil queen/witch from "The Chronicles of Narnia".  (On a completely unrelated note, I feel like all the writers at Disney have a major case of Mommy Issues and are still angry about Mom and Dad's divorce). All of these evil characters worked hard to get in charge, tried even harder to keep their power, and were all eventually deposed by the well intentioned heroine or hero. 

As anyone who's seen a Disney film knows, avoiding the evil stepmother/queen is never a simple task. There's poisoned fruit, almost amusingly inept henchmen, and usually some form of long-term plan to seize control along the way to contend with.  The hero only has their stout heart and one or two traveling companions, and the odds always seem to be insurmountable.  And yet, in the end, the hero or heroine always somehow wins, which I consider proof that my sister is destined for success.  She has me (the 'fool' archetypal sidekick, like the gargoyles from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"), she has her Husband (Prince Charming by virtue of both this analogy and his behavior), and she has her own personal strength and courage.  Somehow, I believe, that will be enough for the Princess to win.

Seriously, Evil Queen?  You thought you'd win?  Have you even SEEN a Disney movie?

Now that I've set the stage, you might begin to wonder how does the story end? How does the evilly unpleasant Wicked Witch fall?  At this point in the story, it's too hard to know.  Will the Witch eventually reveal her true form?  She can't turn into a dragon, and her true form of "A Huge and Cranky Bitch" looks like she always looks, so that might not work...Perhaps the Witch will try to attack the Heroine of our tale and simply be slain?  I could see that possibility, for certain, but I don't really think my sister is the 'slay the evil queen' type.  She's much more likely to prefer the last option for defeating the Wicked Witch:  Let the Witch destroy herself.

So let the Wicked Witch keep spitting her venom, and weaving her webs, and let the the Witch back herself into a corner, and bring about her own demise in a self-defeating attempt to steal more power. It's always hard to tell what brings about a villain's fall, but at least this time, I expect our villain is going to bring judgement down upon herself. Perhaps her gossiping ways might catch up to her.  Perhaps (as I just recently found out is actually happening) the Witch will try so hard to make her coworkers look bad that her OWN performance comes under review. Perhaps she will lie and cheat and whine so much that she loses all credibility. We can only hope. 

I don't know how the story ends quite yet, but I do know that the villain never wins.  It might get dicey, and my sister might have a bit of a struggle ahead of her because dealing with such unpleasant people as the Wicked Witch is bound to make life a little difficult. But if I've learned anything from years of watching movies (whether or not I have learned anything is definitely up for debate), I have learned that the evil Stepmother or Queen never wins.  They may pose a threat, they may make life hard, and they may seem to be unbeatable, but in the end, the Heroine and her band of helpers always win. Because in life, it's easy to get ahead by cheating and lying, but unless you've got yourself a good Fool to tell your story, and a Prince Charming to help face the dragons, there's nothing worth fighting for, and that makes all the difference.